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Monday, February 8, 2010

Hello Anti-Valentine

Yes, yes. The truth is going to come out.
Here it goes... I'm not one of those girls that goes gaga over Valentine's Day.

Be My Anti-Valentine

I'm more the type of... I can get flowers, chocolate and cards on any day of the year. Why does it have to be that Valentine's Day is singled out as the "Spend on your hunny" day? I just never saw the point. To allow me to be bitter for a moment, it goes back to middle school. When we had the option to only pass out Valentine's to those we wanted to, our friends. It wasn't mandatory that it was one for all or none at all.

But, because I didn't want anyone to feel singled out, I wrote down every person in each class I had. And I made them each a Valentine. The little card ones- you know, cheapies from the party shop that everyone loves. But not cheesy- the cute funny off the cuff ones.

Hand Hammered Heart Clasp

Off to school I went, and to classes. First period, Spanish, none for me. But I handed a few out.
Second period, Science, still nothing. But I watched as my classmates giggled and thanked each other for their valentines.

By the time third period, Social Studies, came around, I was ready to cry. Not one person had given me a valentine. I knew I had always been the girl with the funny accent- being from Boston- but I never thought they actually didn't like me. I was quiet, kept to myself, shy most of the time.

Fourth period, Study Hall, I didn't do anything but doodle in my notebook. Contemplated tossing the rest of the Valentine's I had made in the garbage. But that wouldn't be fair to the people I had already passed them to.

Lunchtime, and I didn't eat. I stayed out in the hallway and figured that all I could do was finish the day. I didn't really want to see anyone else, or face my classmates, just wanted to go home. Maybe I could fake being sick... But what's the point. Maybe next class actually wouldn't be that bad. I liked it.

Fifth period I thought I was definitely going to get one. Music Class, I sang in the Chorus. A few of the girls were friendly with me, so surely I'd get one from someone there?

I left to go to my final class of the day for Sixth Period- Math- empty handed. The one class I wasn't crazy about, but at least I understood what we were being taught. Passed out the last few cards I had to give out and sat down at my desk, willing the clock to get to 3pm so I could go home.

Next thing I know, and envelope comes sailing across the desk. A card slipped to me, by my desk friend. Jimmy. Nobody wanted to sit with him, so I did. We quickly became friends... And not only did he slip me a little Valentine card, it had a little heart pin too which I immediately put on my messenger bag. I had already given him the Valentine I held aside especially for him.

45 minutes later the bell rang, and it was time to go home. My best friend caught me in the hallway just before I left to give me the Valentine she had saved for me- we had no classes together this year, and I didn't go to lunch. I gave her the one I had for her, a quick thank you and a hug, and off to the busses and home we went. I felt ignored, broken, insignificant. I thought my classmates liked me... I mean, we weren't exactly all best buddies- they had their cliques set up far before I joined the group at 3rd grade. But I was kind, I was friendly, I'd give the shirt off my back if asked. I'd try to help in any way I could.

When I got home, I went to my room and cried.
I couldn't believe that out of all the people in my class, that only two willingly gave me a Valentine. Only two people. I dried my eyes, unstretched from my floor and happened to notice on my bed was a small box of chocolates and a pink single rose. Opening the card, and through new tears that were starting, I saw it was from my Mother. "Amanda- I hope you know how special you are, and how very much Dad and I love you. Happy Valentine's Day. Love, Mom".

Rose Swarovski Drop

Those three Valentines, I still have them tucked into a memory box.
So goes the story of why I'm not V-Day's biggest fan.

1 comment:

  1. I know how you felt back then, and not until I read this did I even think that this may be a reason I feel the exact same way now.

    I'm not big on the holiday, and I've always felt that this is expected on the other 364 days of the year as well. A day where most think it's mandatory to show that you care? That's everyday. And for some guys, they have to basically outdo what other guys have done for friends of their woman, or even have to outdo themselves from the gift they gave the year before. When did showing you care come with a price tag?

    It's tough, and it shouldn't be. It should just be another day where you get to show that you love someone - just like every other day. Maybe I go too far in saying that it's a wasted day on the calendar, but in essence I believe it is. Show me you care EVERYDAY, not just on the 14th of February.



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